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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728358">Ties That Bind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigertarkla45/pseuds/Tigertarkla45'>Tigertarkla45</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mass Effect Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Hand Jobs, Masturbation, Rope Bondage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 16:48:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,569</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22728358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigertarkla45/pseuds/Tigertarkla45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An alternative universe in which Kaiden Alenko meets Jo Shepard in a bondage class and they help each other get through some of their past drama before the events of the Mass Effect Trilogy. Jo has the Earth born/sole survivor background if anyone cares.<br/>I apologize in advance if I misrepresent the bondage community, it is not my intention.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Trust</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaiden glances at the building in front of him and takes a deep breath. He isn’t sure about this but his therapist had recommended it. <br/>“You have issues surrounding trust and control, Mr. Alenko. I know it is unconventional but I think this could really help. The group is a good one, there’s some alliance people involved and they know how to be discrete. Try it once and see how it goes.” is what he had said as he had slid the card across the table. <br/>Trust and control, yeah, that was about right. He wasn’t sure he could trust himself with this power, was  determined to control it so no one got hurt, well at least no one got hurt accidentally. He takes another deep breath and enters the building. The entrance leads to a quiet lobby. Two large potted palms flank the receptionist desk and a pretty brown haired woman looks up from her work and smiles as he enters. <br/>“How can I help you?”<br/>“Err, I’m here for the class about uh…” Kaiden rubs the back of his head. <br/>“Oh, of course. It’s just down the hall, second door on the right. Have fun.” She motions him along the way. <br/>Kaiden makes his way down the hall and with another deep breath, he pushes open the door. It kind of takes him back, how normal it all seems at first glance. Thick mats cover most of the floor and there is a place where the participants shoes have been lined up along the edge. He busies himself with taking his own off and lining them up so he can avoid looking at all the people in the room. Most of them sit in pairs though there is a couple groups of three and one group of 4. There is one person who sits off on their own. An individual detaches from a group and makes their way towards him. <br/>“Hi, I’m Devin. I’m one of the instructors and if I am not mistaken, this is your first time?”<br/>“Er, yeah. It’s that obvious?”<br/>“You look a little nervous is all, but don’t worry, you’ll see there’s nothing to be nervous about soon. Do you have someone coming to join you, or are you on your own?”<br/>“Um, I’m on my own. Was I supposed to bring someone?”<br/>“Oh, no. We are open to singles, couples and other groupings, whatever you are comfortable with. Perhaps you can sit with Shepard for today, she’s been coming for a while so she’s pretty skilled at solitary practice. Who knows, maybe the two of you will hit it off and you will be comfortable with paired practice. Just remember, the first step is trust.”<br/>“Oh, I would have thought that knots would have been up there.”<br/>Devin smiles,”You’ll see. Come on, I’ll introduce you to Shepard.”<br/>Devin leads him onto the mat and past several groups to the individual who sits off to one side. She turns towards them as they approach, her face blank but open. <br/>“Ah, Shepard, this is a newbie, a single like you. Do you mind getting them settled in?”<br/>“Of course, Devin.”<br/>“Fantastic.” Devin claps their hands together then turns to make their way to the front of the room. <br/>Shepard looks up at him. “So, what should I call you?”<br/>Kaiden lowers himself down onto the mat, “I’m Kaiden Alenko.”<br/>He offers a hand to shake and she takes it, cold hand slipping into his for the briefest of moments before she pulls away and closes it into a fist.<br/>“Jo Shepard, nice to meet you.”<br/>He watches as her other hand comes up to cover her fist, holding it as if it had been injured. She has pretty hands, long fingered with short neat fingernails. There’s a tattoo on the inside of her right wrist.  <br/>“Oh, you’re part of the Alliance?”<br/>She turns her wrist over and looks at the tattoo then shrugs, “Going on 8 years now.”<br/>“Oh, cool. I’ve been in for about 7 years now. You must have signed up young.”<br/>“18.”<br/>“Cool. So how long have you been doing this?”<br/>“A couple of years. My therapist recommended it.”<br/>“Oh, mine too. Has it helped?”<br/>She shrugs, “It hasn’t hurt.”<br/>“Cool. So, how does this all work?”<br/>She looks at him, her eyes lazy, “Do you always ask this many questions?”<br/>“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to…”<br/>“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize. I’m just not used to it. Don’t worry. Devin and Lark will walk you through it.” <br/>“You’re not use to people asking questions?”<br/>“I’m not use to people expecting me to answer questions. I’ve got a bit of a reputation.”<br/>“Oh.”<br/>“Hence the therapy.”<br/>“I see.”<br/>Devin calls everyone’s attention to the front of the room and Kaiden settles in to learn. </p>
<p>“I feel like I am not getting this right.” Kaiden shows his wrists to Jo who glances over them. <br/>“Do you mind if I touch you?”<br/>“No, go ahead.”<br/>She deftly undoes the ropes on her own wrists and reaches over. Cool fingers brush against his skin as she undoes the knots he has bungled. <br/>“Your fingers are cold.”<br/>“Sorry.”<br/>“No, it’s fine.”<br/>She looks up at him and gives him a tight smile before beginning to walk him through the steps of the knot is a calm steady voice. </p>
<p>“So, how was it, not too bad right?” Devin catches Kaiden as he is putting on his shoes. Jo has already sailed out the door, giving him the barest of goodbyes but clearly not one to linger. <br/>“Yeah, not too bad.”<br/>“You got on alright with Shepard?”<br/>“Yeah, Jo is cool, a little prickly at times but I don’t mind.”<br/>“Well, that is Shepard, I’m kind of surprised she has stuck with us for so long since she doesn’t seem to be very interested in working with someone else, which is kinda the reason she got into all this. At any rate, I hope you come back, perhaps we can find you a partner to work with next time.”<br/>“Yeah, sure, that could be good.”</p>
<p>The next week is less daunting when Kaiden enters the room. He quickly toes off his shoes and with a little hesitation he steps onto the mat and makes his way towards Jo. She watches him approach but only greets him with a nod as he sits down. <br/>“Tough week?” he motions to the bruise that blooms across her left shoulder. <br/>“Hand to hand combat training, because apparently I’m not allowed to rely on my biotics to protect me at all times.”<br/>“Oh, your biotic, I didn’t know that.”<br/>“It didn’t really come up.”<br/>“Yeah, I guess. I’m one too, L2 implants.”<br/>She glances over at him. “Impressive.”<br/>“Not really.”<br/>“I meant it is impressive that you are functioning, the L2s were full of problems.”<br/>“Yeah, but if you can work with them, they are more powerful than the L3s”<br/>“True.” <br/>Devin stands in front of the room again and they turn their attention to their instructions. </p>
<p>“So how do you guys feel about doing a little partner work?” Larks squats down in front of where Jo is showing Kaiden how to do various knots. She has a sort of soft lilting voice that seems to put most people at ease but Jo stiffens when she approaches. Kaiden notes this. <br/>“I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that yet, I’d like to get these knots down first.”<br/>“Okay then, well there’s no hurry. I would love to see you get into some partner work though Shepard and you seem to have hit it off with Kaiden here.”<br/>Jo doesn’t answer her verbally, just gives a quick jerky nod. Another group catches Lark’s attention and she moves away. Kaiden waits till Jo’s shoulders relax before speaking with her again. <br/>“Why does everyone call you Shepard?”<br/>“I usually only tell people my last name, it’s just a habit I picked up.”<br/>“Oh, cool.” he pauses for a moment. “You don’t seem to like Lark all that much.”<br/>“She’s fine. I mean she’s pushy but she knows why I came here and that’s why she keeps at it. It just makes me uncomfortable. ”<br/>“Oh, okay.”<br/>“I think I frustrate her too. I mean, I came here with a goal after all and I am not really working towards it at the moment.”<br/>“Oh, what is your goal?” <br/>“I don’t like being touched, I’m trying to get over it.” <br/>“Why do you dislike it?”<br/>“Things happened. I don’t really want to talk about it.”<br/>“Oh, okay.” Kaiden lets the matter drop, it’s not really his business anyway.<br/>“There was just a time when I didn’t have a choice, about people touching me, so I’m not inclined to give up that control. I’m just not ready.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>She gives him a small smile and he smiles back before returning to their knot work. </p>
<p>“I’d like you to partner with Freddie here, if that’s okay with you?” Lark asks him before the next class. <br/>“Uh,” Kaiden glances at Jo who is pointedly looking away from him, “Sure.”<br/>Freddie seems like a nice enough person. He’s very careful with his knots, careful about checking on Kaiden to make sure he is comfortable throughout the whole process but no matter how much he tries, Kaiden just can’t seem to relax with him. Finally, about halfway through the class, he apologizes to Freddie and makes his way back over to Jo. <br/>“What’s the matter. Freddie is usually excellent with newcomers. He’s really good about respecting boundaries.” Jo asks as he sits down next to her. She is tying a harness around her chest. The rope winds over her shoulders, crisscrossing down her back and in between her breasts. Even over the loose black tank top the sight is a little erotic. <br/>Kaiden glances away from her and shrugs. “He’s great but, I dunno, It just wasn’t clicking.”<br/>“Okay then. Shall we work on a harness for you.”<br/>“Sure.” Kaiden starts to copy the harness that she has wrapped around herself. “Have you worked with Freddie?”<br/>“I tried to, but it didn’t work out. It wasn’t a problem with him though. Just with me.” <br/>“I see.” </p>
<p>“So, things didn’t work out with Freddie.” It’s Devin who approaches him after the class concludes and Jo has disappeared like she usually does. “I just wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling too pressured to take on a partner. That is not the point of this class but it can definitely add another layer to the whole experience.”<br/>“No, I agree. I would like to work with a partner but, things just didn’t feel right with Freddie. He was great though so I think it is just me.”<br/>“Perhaps you would be more comfortable with a woman, I know some men have problems doing this with other men.”<br/>“No, I’m not bothered by that, I mean gender doesn’t really matter. I dunno.”<br/>“Well. You will find a partner that fits when you are ready. Meanwhile, it seems that you have hit it off with Shepard. I know she is not really into partner work but she can certainly be useful when it comes to solo practice.”<br/>“Yeah, she’s great. I enjoy talking to her.”<br/>“Well, she certainly comes out of her shell when she talks to you, which is good I think. I’ll let you go, see you next week.”<br/>“Yeah, see ya.”</p>
<p>The first time he sees Jo outside of class it takes him a little while to recognize her. He supposes that he had never considered her existing outside of that room. He had certainly never seen her outside of it. He starts to call out to her but he hesitates. She is with a small group of people, all of them wearing the Alliance training uniforms. She’s stiffer than he’s ever seen her before. It occurs to him that perhaps, maybe, she doesn’t want to acknowledge him outside of the class. It would be awkward to explain their acquaintance after all. She looks over and sees him then and smiles before giving a small wave.<br/>Kaiden waves back and she neatly excises herself from the group and jogs over to where you are standing.<br/>“Hey, fancy seeing you here. I was beginning to think you were lying about the whole Alliance thing.”<br/>“I wouldn’t lie to you.” <br/>Her face drops into a serious expression. “I feel like I know that, I was just joking.”<br/>“Hey, Shep, whose this bloke.”<br/>Shepard neatly dodges out of the way of the man who tries to clap her shoulder and moves so she is standing beside Kaiden as the rest of the group she was with moves to join them. <br/>“This is Kaiden. Kaiden this is Billy, April and Ted.”<br/>Billy reaches out for a handshake and nearly crushes Kaiden’s hand in his own before withdrawing. He gives Shepard a decidedly possessive look but she stays clear of him. <br/>“So, how do you know Shep?” It’s April who asks<br/>“Er…” Kaiden glances over to Jo, unsure what to say. <br/>She comes to his rescue.“We both attend the same recreational fitness class.”<br/>“Recreational fitness? What, is N7 training not giving you a good enough workout.” Billy scoffs.<br/>Jo shrugs, “I like some diversity.”<br/>Billy snorts and glances down at his watch. “Come on guys, we better get back to it.” he looks expectedly at Jo.<br/>“You guys go ahead, I’ll catch up with you.” <br/>Billy reluctantly leads the group away from them, leaving Jo behind.<br/>“I didn’t know you were in the N7 program.”<br/>“I don’t think it ever came up.”<br/>“Yeah, I guess not. They seem like a fun group.”<br/>“April and Ted are cool, I could live without Billy.”<br/>“He seemed a little...possessive.” <br/>“Yeah, I don’t know how many times I need to kick his ass before he realizes I don’t like him. I better get going, I’ll see you on Thursday.”<br/>“Okay, see you.” <br/>She jogs off with a final wave and a smile and Kaiden feels special, though he is not sure why.</p>
<p>“Would you be okay with tying me up? I know you aren’t comfortable with it but I think I would like it if you were the one who tied me up.”<br/>“Hmmm.”<br/>Kaiden holds his breath.<br/>“I guess I never thought about being the one in control, just the other way around. I think I would like to try, with you. Let me call Devin over.” <br/>She quietly calls over Devin who makes his way over. She explains what they want to do and Devin suggests a simple position and supervises as they proceed. Cool fingers brush over the exposed parts of his skin and he realizes how much he likes when she touches him. How she asks every time before she does so. How her fingers are the only things that are cold, that when other parts of her touch him its like hot fire against his skin. He likes how she smiles, because her face holds a serious expression most of the time, but it softens when her lips tilt up. He likes that she tells him important things even if she won’t let him know the full weight of them. He likes when her cool fingers run under the rope, touching his skin. He likes that he can relax because she’s aware of him. Likes that her voice is steady, likes that she’s the one who is in control. <br/>“How does that feel?” She asks when she is done.<br/>She is kneeling in front of him. They have chosen to simply bind his arms together, they sit resting on his thighs, elbows bound together, wrists bound facing each other. He tests the rope and finds that he is secure and he flexes his fingers. <br/>“Can you?” He reaches towards her. “Can you just hold my hands for a moment?”<br/>She withdraws initially but with a little hesitation she reaches back towards him, bringing her hands around the outside of his, cradling them. <br/>“Like this?”<br/>“Yes, thank you.”<br/>“Are you okay? How do you feel? Are you comfortable?”<br/>“I feel… different. I like this, I didn’t think I would, but… It feels like a relief, like I don’t have to be so tightly controlled because you’ve got it handled.”<br/>She stares at him, holding his gaze.<br/>“Fascinating.”<br/>“That’s really one of the beauties of doing this. Since this is your first time, lets walk you through the untying process.”<br/>Shepard blinks and turns her attention to Devin. “Of course. Where do I start?”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you guys try something with the arms behind the back this time?” Devin suggests two weeks later now that Kaiden has gotten used to Jo binding his legs and his arms in front of him. <br/>“Would that be okay with you?” she turns her head to ask. <br/>She is sitting cross-legged beside him, her hands shoved in the hole that is left between her legs. She hasn’t quite realized that he would let her tie him up however she wanted as long as it meant that her cool fingers were touching his skin. He can’t really decide what he likes more, handing over control to her or having her hands all over him. At any rate he craves both so it is an enthusiastic nod that he gives her in response. She gives him a smile in return. <br/>“Okay, Kaiden, for this one, I am going to have you kneel.”  Devin begins their instruction. <br/>Kaiden moves into position and Jo’s hands begin to wind rope around his chest and down his arms, slowing drawing his arms behind him. She checks frequently with him. Her voice is soft after each knot, fingers always cool. He had told her once that she needn’t ask nearly as much, that he would tell her when he was uncomfortable but she had told him it was as much for her as it was for him. That, if she ever got to the point where their roles were reversed, she would want him to do the same. After that, he had decided he liked the way she did things, liked when occasionally her breath whispered warmly across his skin when her face was close. It had once whispered across his neck and he had been unable to suppress the goose bumps that raised along his skin. She had noticed of course, had been concerned that he was cold and he had had to explain that the sensation of her breath blowing across his skin had caused the effect. She had initially been taken aback promising not to do it again but he had assured her that he liked the sensation. He could still conjure the small smile that had tilted up one side of her lips. How she had leaned forward and blown cool air over his collar bone. <br/>“Kaiden, how is this?” She leans forward so her breath passes below his ear.<br/>Kaiden shivers. “It’s good.”<br/>Someone across the room calls for Devin. <br/>“I think you have it all under control, Shepard. I’ll leave you to it. Call if you need help.”<br/>“Okay.” <br/>Jo’s cold fingers dive under the bindings close to his wrists, checking their tightness.<br/>“Good?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>Fingers move upward, forming a knot just below his elbow joint. <br/>“And this, not too tight, your shoulders don’t feel strained?”<br/>“Nope, I’m good.”<br/>Cool hands go over each of the knots, rechecking each one. He subtly tests the restraint, and there is little give to the rope. She can feel the heat of her at his back, she is always careful not to touch him excessively, for her, this is not what this is about. It makes each touch for him, even more precious. She hooks a finger into the ties at his wrist, leans toward him, lips close to his ear. <br/>“How does it feel?”<br/>He bites his lower lip, holding back a moan. “It feels good, tight but not too tight. It’s good, I can’t really begin to explain it.” <br/>It feels good, very good almost like… Oh, no, not that. Kaiden stiffens and Jo immediately notices.<br/>“Untie me please,  I-”<br/>Her fingers fly over the knots. It takes a lot less time to undo them than it did to tie them up as soon as he is able he shakes off the rope and stumbles to the edge of the mat. <br/>“Kaiden, are you all right?” Lark inquires as he passes. <br/>“I gotta go, I-” he shoves his feet into his shoes and is out the door before he can figure out a way to finish the sentence. </p>
<p>Kaiden sighs when he is finally enclosed in the privacy of his room. God, that was stupid, he should have just explained what happened. Devin had told the group that it was not common even in platonic rope sessions. He closes his eyes, recalling the moment, being in her control, her touching him, her breath whispering across his face. His body’s reaction is instantaneous, and he feels himself harden. He leans against the door and slides his hand into his pants, taking ahold of his cock, giving it a squeeze. He shouldn’t, not to this. Jo is his friend, she had never expressed any sexual interest in him. It seemed like a violation somehow, but then again, she didn’t need to know about this. He wasn’t even sure if it was attraction to her specifically that he was feeling or if this being aroused just came from trusting her, from liking the way it felt to have her in control of him. Liking the way it felt when she touched him. What would it feel like to have her actually touch him. To feel her cool hand on his neck caressing along his jaw then down to his chest. Cool fingers brushing across his nipples. He can almost feel her now, one finger hooked into the bindings at his wrist as she pulls him back against her, the heat of her chest pressing into his back as she whispers into his ear. <br/>“Do you like that, Kaiden? How does it feel?”<br/>Kaiden moans and his hand begins to stroke his cock. <br/>“It feels good, so fucking good.” He whispers to the spectre of Jo he has created in his mind. The spectre’s hands move down his chest, over his stomach. His ab muscles contract under the coolness of her fingers.<br/>“Tell me, Kaiden, what do you want?” <br/>He’s stroking and squeezing his cock, his hips pumping slightly to meet the strokes. <br/>“I want you to touch me.”<br/>“Touch you were?” her  fingers dance over the top of his groin, over his thighs. <br/>“My cock, I want you to touch my cock.”<br/>“Ooooh, Naughty, Kaiden.” she purrs into his ear as her fingers continue to stroke anywhere but where he wants them. “How do we ask for things we want?” her teeth nip the edge of his ear and he lets out a low moan of pleasure. <br/>“Please, Jo. Please touch my cock.”<br/>Cold fingers close around the base of his cock, they squeeze ever so slightly. “I like that you ask so nicely.” She licks the side of his neck as she brings her hand up his cock, cold fingers playing against the head before stroking back down. <br/>Kaiden moans. “Please, please make me come.”<br/>Her hand strokes over him, his cock hardens even more, his hips pump out of his control. <br/>“Please please please.”<br/>“I do love it when you beg,” She bites the side of his neck, and he lets out a strangled moan as all at once, the tension that has built at the base of his cock explodes. <br/>“Fuck.” He pulls his hand from his pants. It’s sticky with his cum and he lets his head drop back against the door, “Fuck” </p>
<p>“Kaiden, hey wait up.”<br/>Shit, he probably should have expected this. He should have prepared. He pauses and lets her catch up with him. Shit. He can’t bring himself to look her in the eye. <br/>“Hey, so, are you alright? You kind of took off there and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I mean, if I did something wrong…”<br/>“Oh, no, I just got overwhelmed, I mean, it wasn’t anything that you did.”<br/>“Oh, well that is good. Are you going to come back? We can take things back, if you need to.”<br/>“Actually,” Kaiden blushes red, he’s not sure, with the amount of fantastical indulging he is done over the past week, if she can even touch him without setting him off, “I’m not sure if I will be going back.”<br/>Her eyes widen. “Really? Are you sure I didn’t do something wrong? It really seemed like you were getting something out of it. I mean, I can leave if it is something I did. I don’t mind.”<br/>Kaiden can really feel the heat rising in his face. He’s going to have to be honest with her, she looks horrified with herself and it’s not fair to leave her like that. <br/>“No, no, it’s not you, it’s just that, well.” he mumbles the next part, “Last time we worked together, I got… aroused and I’m not sure I can work with you again without well...”<br/>Jo pinches her lips together. “I see.”  She looks down at the ground and coughs. “I see.”<br/>Kaiden feels like he could explode with embarrassment. “So, yeah.”<br/>“Are you attracted to me?” She directs the question at the ground. <br/>“It’s hard to explain, like a week or so ago I would have said no. I mean, you’re attractive, I don’t mean to imply you are not, but I didn’t feel that way until last time, and like, I can’t stop it now. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”<br/>She looks up at him finally, and he can now see that she is struggling to keep a grin off of her face. <br/>“I’m not uncomfortable.”<br/>“Are you laughing at me?”<br/>“No… well yes. I mean, you can really blush, I’m sorry, I’m really trying not to.” <br/>Kaiden feels himself relax as a grin spreads across his face. She takes a deep breath. <br/>“It’s not a big deal really. The whole attraction thing. I know we didn’t start out with that intention but I think it is something that happens. It’s almost like transference or whatever. At any rate, as soon as I get over the giggles, I think we can handle this like adults. I like you and I trust you which is a ridiculously rare thing for me and if you are willing, I’d like to keep working with you.”<br/>“I like you too, but I’m not sure I can do this, especially with an audience.”<br/>“That’s fair. Devin does do private couples sessions, how about we talk with him. He’ll be able to better tell us how to proceed.”<br/>“So, uh, you really don’t mind if I pop a boner every time you tie me up?”<br/>She shrugs, “I actually don’t know. I do know that I want to explore my limits when it comes to things like this and I know that I want to do that with you, if you are willing.”<br/>Kaiden smiles, “You have no idea how much I would like to put myself back in your hands.”<br/>Jo tries to hold in her laughter but fails and it comes bubbling forth.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Consent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Kaiden and Jo jump into things a little fast. Kaiden gets some satisfaction and Jo discusses this new relationship with her therapist. Is it a little late to just stay friends?"</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Alright. For this first session I’d like for you two to repeat the position that you were working on the last time that you worked together. Is that agreeable?”<br/>Jo glances over at Kaiden who nods his consent. She follows suit with her own verbal consent. She is nervous but Kaiden’s enthusiasm for what they are undertaking is reassuring. The panic that usually comes when someone expresses attraction for her hasn’t come. Maybe it is because he hasn’t expected anything from her because of it. He hasn’t acted like his attraction to her gives him certain rights to her body. He respects her boundaries, he lets her have the control she needs. The control he gives her is strangely satisfying. She turns her attention to Devin who is reiterating the safety concerns she should be aware of. They had agreed to open the studio for private sessions between her and Kaiden. She was thankful for it because it was obvious that Kaiden was uncomfortable with exploring further in group setting but she desperately wanted to go further, to keep doing this with him. <br/>“Ready?” Devin asks them and they both nod in response. “Okay, I will leave you to it. I’ll be just outside, you can holler if you need something.”<br/>“Thank you.” Jo is surprised at how steady her voice sounds. <br/>Kaiden kneels in front of her and she kneels as well, focusing on unwinding the silken rope. <br/>“Are you okay?” <br/>“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?’<br/>“You just seem a little nervous.”<br/>Jo’s hands are still on the rope and she looks up into his eyes finally. “It’s weird how well you can read me.”<br/>“Is it? We’ve been working together for a bit now, and most of your communication is via body language. If they pay attention anybody can see how you feel.”<br/>“Oh, I guess no one has really bothered to pay attention before.”<br/>“Why are you nervous?”<br/>Jo thinks over the reasons, tries to find the right words to say, tries to define the root of the problem.<br/>“I’m not very comfortable with people being attracted to me. In the past, when people have been attracted to me they have used it as an excuse to take certain liberties. I’ve always had issues with people touching me, even before… everything, so I don’t think that is ever going to completely go away.”<br/>“Alright, I promise to never touch you without your permission. Does that help?”<br/>“You’ve actually never touched me without my permission, so that’s not a problem with you specifically. I really appreciate that about you, I hope you know. I also appreciate that you let me be in control but I don’t want to hurt you. I know how it feels to be powerless, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be like the people who hurt me. I don’t want to abuse this power you are giving me.”<br/>“Jo, you’ve never made me feel powerless. First off, you’ve made it clear that I have the power to stop you whenever I want. You only do what I ask of you, and you always check to make sure I am comfortable at each step. You may be in control but you don’t strip me of my power. Second, when I am in your hands, I feel safe, relaxed. Like I don’t have to keep such a tight hold on myself because you are there to pick up any slack. I may be the one tied up but I feel free.”<br/>Jo gives Kaiden a small smile, “Thank you. Should we get started?”<br/>“Yes, finally.”<br/>Jo, snickers and moves around Kaiden, beginning to wind the rope around his chest and over his arms, carefully drawing his arms behind his back. <br/>“Your fingers are colder today.”<br/>“I was nervous, they get colder when I am anxious.”<br/>“It’s okay. Never thought I would develop a fetish for cold hands.”<br/>“Well, I’m glad that my poor circulation finally has some use.”<br/>Kaiden laughs softly. <br/>“How is this?” She tugs on the rope.<br/>Kaiden flexes against the rope, there’s some give but he is secured. “It’s good.”<br/>She tests the knots at his wrist, running her fingers under the bindings. “I think that is it. You still good?” She leans forward and whispers this across his ear, remembering that it is something he had said he liked at one point. <br/>“Would it embarrass you if I told you how hard I am right now?”<br/>Jo can feel heat spread across her cheeks. “Really?”<br/>“Yes. This past week has been brutal. All I have to do is think about you tying me up and I get so hard I think I am going to break.”<br/>“Do you… Do you think about this when you…?”<br/>“Masturbate. Yes. I mean, not exactly this, but yes.”<br/>“Not exactly this?”<br/>A pink bloom spreads upwards from Kaiden’s chest.<br/>“Are you okay?”<br/>“Yes, I’m just a little embarrassed but I am still good.” He swallows. “In my fantasies, you touch me more. Not just to tie the knots and check that they aren’t too tight. You pull me back against your body so my back is against your chest. You lean in and whisper in my ear whenever you talk to me.” He closes his eyes, imagining while telling her his fantasy out loud. “Your hand always starts at my neck, your fingers stroking along my jaw  then down to my chest. You touch my nipples, lightly, your fingers are always cold. Then you move your hand down lower. Sometimes you lick my ear or neck, you always make me ask for you to touch my dick. You won’t do it till I say please. Then you stroke me, just enough to give me pleasure but not enough to let me come. Not until I ask for it. You lick my neck and bite it. When I cum you praise me, you call me a good boy. Fuck.”<br/>Jo isn’t touching him right now, she is kneeling just behind him, absorbing the words he says. <br/>“Kaiden, would you like me to touch you? Like the way you fantasize?”<br/>“Fuck, yes, please.”<br/>Jo moves forward, she hooks one finger unde the bindings at his wrist and tugs him slightly till he is pulled back against her chest. She crosses her other arm over his chest, bringing her hand against his neck, letting her fingers just rest against his jaw then she leans forward so her mouth is just centimeters away from his ear. <br/>“Like this? Is this what you want?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>She lets her hand caress down his neck, enjoying how the stubble along his jaw chaffes along her sensitive fingertips. “And this.”<br/>Kaiden shivers when she whispers across his ear, his reply comes out almost strangled as her hand drifts down his chest, caressing his pectoral muscles, fingers lightly playing across his nipples. He moans. <br/>“You really do like this?”<br/>“God yes.”<br/>“I’m not sure about licking your ear.” she absentmindedly plays with his nipple, liking the way it hardens at her touch. <br/>“You could bite it.”<br/>She traces her hand down to his stomach, keeping her touch light. Leaning a bit closer she takes the lobe of his ear gently in her teeth, then as an experiment she darts out her tongue out to lick at the spot she just bit. Kaiden lets out a low moan. <br/>“Jo, please.” <br/>“Tell me what you want, Kaiden.”  her hand plays at the band of his pants, but she hesitates to do more, not without him asking for it. <br/>“Touch me.”<br/>“I am touching you.” She runs her fingers just under his waistband, feeling the warm skin there. His skin is always so warm compared to her hands.<br/>“Touch my dick, please.”<br/>She stills her hand and pulls away a little. <br/>“What’s wrong?”<br/>“I don’t want to touch you, no, I mean, I don’t want to touch your bare cock right now. Can I stay over your clothes, will that work for you?”<br/>“I will take any touch you are willing to give me.”<br/>She leans back in,”Okay.” She trails her hand down lightly over the front of his loose knit pants. His erection leaps at her touch. She keeps her touch light at first but he presses his hips forward, seeking more contact. Through the cloth she softly wraps her hand around him, near the base of his cock. <br/>“Behave.” she whispers, giving his ear a little nip. <br/>He shudders. “More please.”<br/>She licks up the edge of his ear, “Tell me what you want me to do.”<br/>“Squeeze me harder, stroke me.”<br/>She tightens her hand around him, gives him an experimental stroke, the fabric of his pants sliding along with her hands. “Are you sure this is okay? It’s not going to chafe or anything?”<br/>“Please don’t stop.” Kaiden replies through gritted teeth. <br/>She continues to stoke him, listening to the way his breath starts to come in pants. Listening to the way he lets out little sounds and moans. Enjoying the way he leans back against her and his hips push up against her hand. It's so different to give someone pleasure rather than to have it taken from you. She nuzzles the side of his neck enjoying the smell of him, Earthy and woodsy. <br/>“Jo, please. Make me come.”<br/>“Tell me how.”<br/>“Stroke me faster, grip me tighter. Bite me.”<br/>She tightens her grip and begins to move her hand faster.”On the neck.”<br/>“Please.”<br/>She runs her lips along the side of his neck, till she comes to a point where, if she leaves a mark by accident, he will be able to cover it, then she opens her mouth, drawing his flesh between her teeth and gently bites down.<br/>“Harder.”<br/>She bites down harder and tightens her grip. He lets out another strangled moan. <br/>“I’m close.”<br/>She sucks softly at his neck and he presses into hand, his whole body stiffening under her touch. She stills along with him. He lets out a groan. <br/>“Fuck.”<br/>She can feel his cock pulse in her hand. She releases her bite, licking softly over the area as he relaxes against her and she releases her grip on his cock as he softens. <br/>“How was that?” she whispers into his ear.<br/>“It was good.”<br/>“You did a good job.”<br/>He lets out a soft laugh and she can feel it rumble in his chest. “Thank you.”<br/>Jo presses the side of her face against his. “Thank you.” she pulls away, keeping the moment brief, “Come on now, let’s get you untied, I think this is a good place to quit for the day.”<br/>“Yes.” Kaiden leans forward and lets her begin to undo the rope. <br/>She massages down his arms as she undoes the knots, making sure that she didn’t hurt him, making sure that he is okay from having his hands bound behind him for an extended time. She talks to him during the whole process listening for his feedback as she queries his feelings, both emotional and physical. <br/>“How about you, how are you feeling?” Kaiden asks once he is untied and she is sitting in front of him winding the rope up. She focuses on her task, using it as an excuse to not look at him while she gathers her thoughts and examines her feelings. <br/>“I feel… I feel kind of powerful I guess. I feel proud of myself for being able to give you pleasure. It felt good to touch you, to feel you rely on me for your pleasure. I don’t think I have ever given anybody pleasure, like freely given them that. It’s always been something that has been taken from me. I feel like… I feel like there was something sacred about what we just did. Does that sound weird?”<br/>“No, I think I understand. I don’t think I have ever fully trusted myself with someone. It’s always in the back of my mind that I might hurt them if I lose control but being able to give you the control, I don’t think that I’ve ever had a more enjoyable orgasm.”<br/>Jo looks up at him and gives him a soft smile. “To be honest, I’m not sure if this is what my therapist intended when he said I should try this out.”<br/>Kaiden laughs.  </p>
<p> “So, how are things going, Shepard?”<br/>Jo settles into the soft couch and folds her hands on her lap. The room is comforting in its familiarity. She had initially started coming to this therapist three years ago, after Akuze, at first because it had been mandatory for her to return to duty. Eventually she had started coming for herself, to slowly begin the process of untangling the trauma in her past. As hard as it had been to face it she felt better for it, more human. <br/>“I’m doing okay. I found a partner to do the rope stuff with. It has been interesting.”<br/>“How so?”<br/>“Well first off, it’s a man. I didn’t think I would ever feel comfortable doing anything with a man, but Kaiden, he’s good. For one, he lets me tie him up. I guess it never occured to me that I could be the one to tie someone up, I always figured, that if I did find a partner to work with it would be them who tied me up. He asked me to and well, I really like it.”<br/>“That’s good, what do you like about it?”<br/>“I like that he trusts me to have that control over him. I like that he always asks for what he wants and he doesn’t get upset when I am not comfortable doing something. He listens to me, even when I am not talking. He’s really aware of me and has picked up on my body language. It just makes it easy for me to open up to him. He’s open with me as well, always telling me what he is feeling and how what I am doing is making him feel. It feels good, powerful really, to be able to give him pleasure based on what I want to give, to not have it taken from me.”<br/>“Pleasure? Have you and your partner moved things in a more sexual direction?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And how does that make you feel?”<br/>“Its sexual, but it doesn’t feel like sex, if that makes any sense?”<br/>“Try to explain it.”<br/>“Well, initially we were doing the group class and mostly sticking to working on solo bondage techniques but then he asked me if I would be comfortable tying him up. I agreed but at our final group class he apparently became aroused and it kind of freaked him out. I didn’t know this at the time and I thought perhaps I had done something wrong. I approached him outside of class to check on him and he admitted that me tying him up was a big turn on for him. Initially I was a little uncomfortable with it but, I know this sounds like a silly reason to want to keep working with him, but he always asks before he touches me.”<br/>“It’s not silly. We have discussed how important consent, even for small things, is for you.”<br/>“Of course.”<br/>“So how have you handled his attraction to you?”<br/>“That’s the thing, I don’t think he is attracted to me, physically at least. When he talks about what he likes about me it is never about my body. He tells me what he fantasizes about when it concerns me and it's always sensations. Like, he likes how cold my hands are against his skin, and the way my voice sounds, and how safe he feels even when he’s tied up. When he looks at me it's not like he is looking at an object he lusts after, he looks at me like a person. At any rate, we talk about things. He tells me what he would like me to do then I get to decide what I am comfortable with.”<br/>“And you derive pleasure from this?”<br/>“I don’t get aroused during our sessions if that is what you are asking. It’s satisfying though. It’s very intimate. I like being close to him, being able to touch him without worrying about him touching me back. I like watching him get pleasure from what I am doing. I like talking to him. I like that there’s clear rules and we both have to abide by them.”<br/>“It is good that you are getting something from your sessions even if it is not sexual pleasure. We have discussed before that you are not sure if you are capable of sexual desire and you are not sure if it is something that you wish to experience, what are your thoughts on that topic now?” <br/>“I think that someday perhaps, I would like to share in a partner’s pleasure but that I am still defining what that might mean. I mean, with Kaiden, it's not like I’m completely detached from his pleasure but I don’t know if I am comfortable letting go of the control I have by not being aroused. Since my only goal is bringing him pleasure I don’t have to think about my own lack of arousal. I can just enjoy him, enjoying what I am doing. Outside of our sessions though, I have discovered I’m able to arouse myself. I haven’t been able to orgasm yet but, its something.”<br/>“That is some definite progress. How do you feel about it?”<br/>“Optimistic.”<br/>“That’s good. Have you discussed any of your intimacy issues with your partner?”<br/>“Some, he understands that the level of consent that I need and my issue of not liking to be touched. I think he also understands that I am not deriving sexual pleasure out of our sessions. I have not told all of the details though, just enough so he knows where my boundaries are.”<br/>“Hmmm… I think that as long as you keep the lines of communication open that this is a very good thing. I think it may be a good idea for you to take time, outside of your sessions together, to sit down and discuss what exactly you want out of your partnership.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“The more clear you are about your expectations and desires, I think the better this will be for the both of you.”<br/>“Of course.”</p>
<p>Kaiden waves from across the lawn and Jo takes a deep breath as he jogs across to meet her. It’s weird that meeting him like this is somehow more nerve wracking than meeting him for their sessions. Of course, the rules aren’t as defined out here, so that’s probably it. He stops his approach far enough to give her space. <br/>“Hi.” He grins at her.<br/>“Hi.”<br/>“You’re nervous, we can go somewhere public if that would help?”<br/>“No, I think that would be worse. I’m just not used to having people in my personal space.”<br/>“Okay then. I will trust what you say.”<br/>“Thank you.” She hesitates, “Can I hug you?”<br/>“Yes. Do you want me to hug you back?”<br/>She thinks about it for a moment. “No.”<br/>“Okay.” <br/>She moves closer and he stands still as she wraps her arms around his chest, over his arms which he keeps by his sides. It's not a long embrace and when she pulls away Kaiden smiles at her again. <br/>“Alright, lets go.”<br/>She leads him into the apartment building and up the stairs to her small 1 bedroom apartment. She waits until they are both settled in, her in the armchair, him on the coach, both of them with cups of tea, before she broaches the topic that caused her to invite him over. <br/>“At my last appointment, my therapist thought it might be a good idea for the two of us to have a conversation about our partnership.”<br/>“Okay, what kind of conversation.”<br/>“I think it would be a good idea to define our expectations. What do we want out of this relationship? What are our boundaries? Our goals? Issues that may arise due to our pasts. That sort of stuff.”<br/>“I agree. We’ve kind of been doing this blind and it would be nice to know exactly where we stand in each other’s lives.”<br/>“Okay, do you want me to go first or…?”<br/>“If you don’t mind.”<br/>“Okay. So, uh, first off, I don’t want a romantic relationship. I’m not a place where that would be a thing I am capable of. I know that might be a little strange considering that things have gotten sexual between us.”<br/>Kaiden rubs the back of his head with one hand. “Okay. I don’t think I’m really attracted to you in that way anyway. I mean, I’d like to think we are friends, I like talking to you and I like our sessions together but it doesn’t feel like romance.”<br/>“Okay, good, so no romance. I’d like to be your friend as well, Kaiden.”<br/>“Of course. Now, since it's impossible to control all your emotions, what happens if one or both of us decides that we want a romantic relationship.”<br/>“I think, if our feelings change, we need to have another conversation like this to redefine our relationship. Is that agreeable to you?”<br/>“Okay, that seems like a good idea. So, what do you want out of this relationship?”<br/>“Besides your friendship, I think what I want most is to be able to let you touch me.”<br/>“We touch.”<br/>“Yes, but I touch you. I’d like to be able to say yes when you ask to touch me.”<br/>“Okay, then that would be a goal for us to work towards.”<br/>“What about you? What do you want out of this?”<br/>“Besides what I am already getting, friendship and really good orgasms? Um… I’d like to get to know you better, if that is alright with you. Maybe we could try and arrange meetups every week outside of our sessions. They wouldn’t need to be private, just time spent learning each other in a different context, as friends.”<br/>“Okay. What if we have a standing arrangement that as long as we have no other obligations we do something together on Wednesday nights?”<br/>“I can work with that. Are you okay with group activities?” <br/>“They can make me a little nervous but having someone there that I know helps.”<br/>“Does having time to prepare help?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“Okay, how about we make plans by Monday night so that we both can decide if we are comfortable with it and we have time to prepare?”<br/>“Okay, that’s good.”<br/>Kaiden takes a sip of his tea then carefully sets the cup back on the table. “So, I know I am getting sexual satisfaction out of this, but what about you?”<br/>“Ummm… actually, I’m still trying to work out if I can feel sexual desire or not. All I can really say right now is that I have the desire to feel desire and I am working on getting there.”<br/>“So, what do you get out of our sessions?”<br/>“I get to give you pleasure, I get to be close to someone I trust and, while I might not get aroused during our sessions, I think they have helped me get aroused outside of them, which is a big deal.”<br/>“How does it help, If you don’t mind me asking?”<br/>“It's you, I guess. Remembering how you feel when you cum against my hand, the way you sound, the way you taste. I try to imagine what you are feeling at that moment and it works sometimes.”<br/>“Do you think it would help if I described it to you? Tell you as best as I can what I am feeling.”<br/>Jo tilts her head to the side. “Actually, I think that could be good.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>You may be thinking, when is this all taking place. 2180 is the year. The place is someplace on earth but I refuse to put specifics. I tried to find out when Shepard would be in N7 training but gave up, but yeah, she's in N7 training at this point for reasons.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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